Sobriety

I woke up one morning and realized that I was sober
I suddenly began to contemplate the fact that I was going to die
We all are, one day going to cease to physically exist someday
The drunkenness of optimism had left me
For how long – I knew not exactly
All I know is that I want it back
I want back that feeling of invincibility
The feeling that I can do what I want, when I want
And no-one could ever disappoint or hurt me
That foggy cloud of only seeing what I want to see
Had dissipated and gone away from me
No longer can I hear only what I want to hear
And let words of painful truth in one ear and out the other ear
Suddenly I could plainly see the lines of age drawn across my face
My self professed vanity and pride now seemed a total waste
I was no longer happily stumbling and swaying through life
I was walking a straight line, eyes on the prize
Finally seeing how far away the prize was from me
Before, my vision was short-sighted and blurry
So it didn’t matter to me because I couldn’t really see
What had happened to me?
I hated this feeling of eye-opening sobriety
No it can’t be, I don’t want life to be real
I want to pretend to be happy, happy, happy

Thank God, it was just a dream
I’m still drunk with illusion and deliriously happy
Pretending that the world owes me
I am free, free, free
Free to be trapped and confined
By human frailty
By the all too human limited mental capacity
By carnality
By my own self imposed, never exposed
Because who really needs to know
That I am scared - scared to love, scared to live
Scared not to be loved and scared to die
Who needs to know that?
So let’s all get drunk with self-delusion in a world of illusion
It’s better than the real thing right? - WRONG

Copyright © 2008 PTD Lawrence